“My hyperactive child goes out of his way to misinterpret things said to him. Jokes make him angry and irritable. Is this just naughtiness or could it be part of his ADHD?”
We cannot blame every problem on ADD/ADHD however it’s always worth finding out if there could be a link. Understanding why a child behaves in a certain manner makes it easier to deal with situations that arise.
Children with ADHD are often very verbal, but this does not mean they are good communicators. Communication between people depends not only on the words spoken, but also on the unspoken word. Reading between the lines, understanding body language, and interpreting emotional content are all important tools used for effective communication, but many children with ADHD don’t have these skills. As a result they don’t understand the emotional content of language.
Often they can’t tell the difference between a request such as "Climb down from that branch" (possibly for some cookies) and the same words "Climb down from that branch" growled through clenched teeth. They hear just the words - they do not pick up the emotions that accompany them nor do they read the body language. They carry on, blissfully unaware of the speaker's emotional state and increasing anger - and then wonder why they are regularly in trouble.
Sometimes there are misunderstandings because children with ADHD can take things very literally. They may be very hurt or frightened by an angry or careless remark: "I'll kill you when we get home tonight!" The hyperactive child believes that this is really going to happen!
In the same way using innuendo is often lost on them - consider the following situation:
Ben’s playing around has delayed his mother to such an extent that she is both late and furious. "Are you coming!!!?" She shouts, expecting Ben to jump up and run to the car but he doesn’t pick up the innuendo. Also he can’t read his mother’s body’s language, nor does he realise how angry she is. All he hears is the simple question "Are you coming?"
He reckons that he has an option and answers "No!" His mother loses her temper and hits him. She is upset that her child is so rude and cheeky but Ben cannot understand why he should be smacked for answering his mother’s question.
Because they cannot understand innuendo, or the play on words, it’s very difficult for them to follow a joke. Many children with ADHfD react angrily when siblings tell jokes simply because, once again, they feel left out. Parents are often at a loss when it comes to dealing with situations like these.
These challenges also spill over into their schoolwork. Comprehension usually requires that they read more into the passage than they are able to; so they seldom score well in this area.
It’s unfair to expect children with ADHD to act and react in the same way as others, especially when they don’t have the same skills at recognising and interpreting information. However they must live in the real world and ultimately must learn to cope. Frequently they are slow developers and so it takes longer for them. This means that these children will experience a few knocks and maybe some teasing which makes it all the more important that their families are aware of their difficulties and try to accommodate them:
* Don't take it for granted that your child can read body language. Simply say "I have asked you to clean your shoes twice already. You haven't yet cleaned them and I am cross. Get up and clean your shoes now!"
* Avoid using sarcasm and don't expect children with ADHD to read hidden messages.
* If you expect your child to accompany you, don't ask, "Are you coming?" because this gives him the option to say "no". Rather tell him what you want him to do: "I am ready to leave. Hurry up and come along."
* Jokes are fun for most and should be encouraged but avoid long joke sessions that your child may not understand. If possible, be aware of any type of joke that he enjoys and build up a joking relationship based on
that kind of joke. Move to the next level when he is ready to do so.
Above all listen to your child. Watch his reactions and become aware of messages that work. Why did he/she react to one message and not the other? What was the difference between them? How did you communicate the information? Use these pointers to develop a communication strategy that is meaningful to you both.
At first this approach demands more effort from the parents, however it could be well worth the effort. Better and trouble-free communication would benefit the entire family. It would make life far more comfortable for children with ADHD.
Heather Picton |
