It’s important for children to know that their parents are steering the ship; that they have plans for the future and are working toward them. They also need to know that they are part of the picture, and what is expected from them. Avoid asking children to do more than they are capable of as this only leads to failure experiences.
Parents have a dramatic, often permanent, impact on their children. As a little girl I spent many happy hours helping my mother make jams, bottle peaches, bake biscuits, and when she was sewing. When I married I found myself doing these things too, and it was only when others approached me for advice or assistance that I realised just how much I had learnt from my mum.
Our children are constantly learning from us, and many carry their lessons into the future. We’d all like to know that we have provided them with the foundations for setting up a future happy family life.
Here are a few ideas to help you raise happiness levels in your home.
1. Parental leadership
Parental leadership helps children feel more secure.
Make sure that what you say is what you do - don’t tell children that you expect one thing and then you do the very opposite. For example, telling them not to procrastinate while you are obviously doing so; or that they can’t have a fizzy drink and then you drink one in front of them. Ultimately nobody wins.
Where possible use your leadership skills to create win-win situations and watch happiness levels increase.
2. Clear communication
Clear and effective communication ensures that children know where they stand and what is expected from them. Rules of the home need to be the same from day to day – they can’t be changed with your mood.
Clear and effective communication also means giving children the opportunity to express their opinion honestly and to be heard. When your children speak to you, make eye contact and watch them while they speak, give them the opportunity to unload.
Be encouraging and at these times listen more than you speak. By not criticising children when they are sharing, you’re giving them the opportunity to work things out for themselves. This supports family trust and respect – both important contributors to happiness.
3. Build on strengths
So much time is spent focusing on the challenges and difficulties of ADHD that we often lose sight of that person’s strengths. Recognise the difficulties and help children (or adults) move beyond them. Make a point of identifying their strengths, and give opportunities to build on them. Success in one area may improve self esteem and functioning in others.
4. Show appreciation
Everyone wants to feel valued, and so do our children. Let them know on a regular basis that you love and appreciate them, that you appreciate the things they do. Thank them often and you’ll be teaching them to thank you too.
Sometimes families find it difficult when one child cannot do as well as their siblings – if you’ve identified their strengths, you can show appreciation for their achievements in that area. In other areas, thank them for the effort they’ve made rather than focus on the results.
When family members openly appreciated and value each other, it makes for a stronger and happier family.
5. Have fun
Humour, playfulness and a fun atmosphere makes the family a nicer place to be. Smile, make time to play with your family – kick a ball, have a picnic, go hiking, play board games. People who are happy and enjoying themselves find it easier to concentrate, to be better behaved, to achieve more. It also helps to bond the family.
All people will face difficulties but it’s usually easier for a strong family unit to navigate through the upheaval. Try the above to strengthen your family unit and increase happiness.
Heather Picton |
